Home Buying 101

This post will be a basic checklist of buying a house. As a first time home buyer last year I'm still a novice when it comes to real estate but this is a good list to at least remind myself (and hopefully others) about future home purchases. This is probably the most complicated and stressful process out there. In my opinion it should be way easier than they make it but that discussion is for another time.

1. Know what you want before you start looking
Now you'd think this is a given but I thought I'd list it first. People always have things that they must have and that's a good thing because it narrows down the search. Garage, bathroom, bedrooms, sq ft, particular city, price range?
In my case I wanted a condo or town home in order to save on yardwork. I also wanted an attached garage, the most sq ft for my buck, something within 20 mins of work, something under $200k, and an entrance on the main floor (instead of walking up a flight of stairs immediately). This limited my search greatly and I was able to get a great deal on a townhome that fit the bill.

2. Do some searching before deciding what to do
These days it's really easy to search. You can go onto Zillow, Redfin, Trulia, or MLS and search areas for listings. You can narrow your searches down for exactly what you want. For the most part these sites are powerful and great tools to use when searching. Once you find some places you want to see then go to step 3.

3. Get a Realtor
Even if you're an experienced home buyer this is key. These people have access to data that no normal person does. They can also help answer any questions you may have and can talk to the selling agent. These people will or should be willing to accommodate their schedule to drive you around and show you all the places you found in your own searches. They can also get access to listings that may not be up on any websites. It's good to find an agent in the area that you're searching in because they usually know that market well and can help you get what you want.
In my case I had a TERRIBLE agent. I had to do just about all the work myself and only used her to guide me through the process and show me homes. The rest I did on my own.

4. Decide on a place, get pre-approved, and make an offer
Picking a place to make an offer on is tough. It's the biggest expense you'll ever have in your life so choosing a place can be difficult. Make sure you know the maximum price you're willing to go to and get pre-approved from a lender for that place. Getting pre-approved is easy. You just head to a lender, tell them the place you want to make an offer on and the maximum price you want to pay. They'll take down some general info, run a credit check, and write you a letter that says you're pre-approved.
Now you make an offer, and obviously you want to low ball it on your first one. In my case the place was listed for $185k. I offered $165k initially. They came back and said $180k. I said $177k best and final offer and they took it.

5. Pick a lender
This step could really go under part 4 as well. I went with my usual bank who I also got my pre-approval from. Working with them was a nightmare because they kept sending me from one loan officer to another but in the end we got it done and I never had to go in to talk to them in person. You can also shop around from bank to bank and put their rates and fees against each other and pick the best one. I went with the convenience of having my own bank do my loan since I could do an auto-withdrawal from my account there. One piece of advice that I hear a lot is DON'T USE AN ONLINE LENDER. There are small online companies who try to pull people in with attractive rates and fees. From what I've heard these are shady businesses with terrible customer service. I went with a real bank instead.

6. Get an appraisal
Your bank will require an appraisal of the house's worth before lending you the money. They will usually charge you around $200ish to do this. Basically a guy comes out and looks at the place and does some online research to determine its worth.

7. Get an inspection
A basic home inspection also runs around $200, depending on the size of the house and what they inspect. In my case my HOA owns the exterior so I only needed the interior inspected. The inspection is very basic and nearly worthless if you're handy around your home.

8. Find an escrow company
I had no idea where to search for this so I had to ask my Realtor who she usually dealt with. In reality you can choose anyone but I found someone who has worked with my Realtor and with my bank. It was a smooth process. The rape you for your down payment and fees and such to get your escrow account started. You also get the world's thickest packet of paper and have to sign and initial a million times to approve your purchase. Once you get this over and done with you're basically a home owner awaiting your closing date.

I'm sure I missed some details along the way but this is how I remember buying a home. You have so many people involved and they all want a piece of your money. At the end of the day you have to struggle to meet deadlines for getting stuff done or signed. You also have to bend over and take it when it comes to writing checks to people. After it's all done you're already too exhausted to move (or pay someone to move for you). Once you're in your home though it's a good feeling.

Interesting Work Convos From the Past

Interesting Lady

Me [2:19 PM]:

apparently she had some formaldehyde in her office furniture and she's allergic to it

Me [2:20 PM]:

so she researched how to get rid of it and decided to buy a bunch of these plants that absorb it and clean the air

Me [2:20 PM]:

so she has all these plants in her office

Me [2:20 PM]:

well then she used miracle grow potting soil for her plants

Me [2:20 PM]:

which brought fungus gnats with it

Me [2:20 PM]:

so now she has all these gnats in her office because of her plants because of her allergies

Me [2:21 PM]:

so she keeps the office door closed so that she doesn't let them out into the rest of the office

Me [2:21 PM]:

and then she researched on how to kill the gnats

Me [2:21 PM]:

apparently you top the soil with sand

Me [2:21 PM]:

and it kills the larva

Me [2:21 PM]:

and she has all these excel spreadsheets and charts

Me [2:21 PM]:

of gnats killed

Me [2:21 PM]:

gnats born

Me [2:21 PM]:

and what their avg life is and all that

Me [2:22 PM]:

needless to say we moved the meeting to a conference room

  

Kevin vs. the flies

Me [10:13 AM]:

what was the coworker doing

Friend [10:15 AM]:

oh yeah, sorry

Friend [10:15 AM]:

haha, well there's been this fly flying around all day

Friend [10:15 AM]:

buzzing around and annoying everyone

Friend [10:16 AM]:

and I guess it landed in his lunch, so he smashed it somehow

Friend [10:16 AM]:

and had a dead fly in his lunch

Friend [10:16 AM]:

so he had to throw that away

Friend [10:16 AM]:

but then there was another fly

Friend [10:16 AM]:

so he somehow smashed that one with a rolled up piece of paper

Friend [10:16 AM]:

and he thought he was rid of the fly problem

Friend [10:16 AM]:

and then ANOTHER one appears

Friend [10:16 AM]:

so he FLIPS OUT!

Friend [10:17 AM]:

WHERE ARE THESE STUPID FLIES COMING FROM

Friend [10:17 AM]:

grabs a huge poster off the wall, rolls it up, and starts swinging baseball style all over the room

Friend [10:17 AM]:

jumping up and down

Friend [10:17 AM]:

battling this fly

Friend [10:17 AM]:

I think he did finally get it

Friend [10:17 AM]:

haha, I was laughing at him the whole time

Friend [2:01 PM]:

ANOTHER FLY!

Friend [2:01 PM]:

YES!

Friend [2:01 PM]:

HE'S AT IT AGAIN!

Me [2:01 PM]:

dude no way

Me [2:01 PM]:

you're kidding right

Me [2:01 PM]:

#4?

Friend [2:01 PM]:

DEAD SERIOUS!

Me [2:01 PM]:

this guy is dillusional

Friend [2:01 PM]:

omg

Friend [2:02 PM]:

it hurts

Friend [2:02 PM]:

he's a lunatic

Friend [2:02 PM]:

I don't even see the fly

Me [2:02 PM]:

he pulled a poster off the wall to attack one

Friend [2:02 PM]:

but he claims it's there

Friend [2:02 PM]:

YES!

Me [2:02 PM]:

dude this guy is crazy

Me [2:02 PM]:

look at what corporate does to you

Me [2:02 PM]:

if you're bored for 30 years

Me [2:02 PM]:

you start seeing things

Me [2:02 PM]:

and go nuts

Friend [2:03 PM]:

lol

Friend [2:03 PM]:

seriously

Friend [2:03 PM]:

he's just sitting there quietly, and then all of a sudden he jumps up, grabs a poster and starts flailing around

Ken in the closet

Me [10:41 AM]:

so my lead's cell rings

Me [10:42 AM]:

playing this pr0n sounding music

Me [10:42 AM]:

he goes into this closet to answer it

Me [10:42 AM]:

door shut, lights off

Friend [10:43 AM]:

DUDE!

Friend [10:43 AM]:

what the heck?

Me [10:43 AM]:

haha I know

Me [10:43 AM]:

earlier I come back from the bathroom

Me [10:43 AM]:

and he comes walking out of this dark closet

Me [10:44 AM]:

and I just started laughing

Me [10:44 AM]:

like really loud

Friend [10:44 AM]:

dude, that's scary

Friend [10:44 AM]:

what's he doing in there?

Me [10:44 AM]:

and said "dude I do NOT want to know what was going on in there"

Friend [10:44 AM]:

haha wow

Me [10:44 AM]:

I can hear him chatting away

Me [10:44 AM]:

it's obviously one of his chicks

Friend [10:44 AM]:

he probably just laughed Madden style

Me [10:50 AM]:

HAHA DUDE

Me [10:50 AM]:

YES

Me [10:50 AM]:

2 GUYS JUST WALKED IN

Me [10:50 AM]:

this guy showing the other around walks up saying "and this is our archive room..."

Me [10:50 AM]:

opens the door

Me [10:50 AM]:

LOL

Me [10:50 AM]:

YES

Friend [10:50 AM]:

HAHA!

Friend [10:50 AM]:

WOW!

Friend [10:50 AM]:

perfect

Friend [10:50 AM]:

that's awesome

Me [10:50 AM]:

and I am laughing

Me [10:50 AM]:

then he's like "whoa what are you doing in here"

Me [10:50 AM]:

"I'm on the phone can you leave"

Me [10:50 AM]:

"oh ok, guess he's being secretive in here"

Friend [10:51 AM]:

haha, weird dude

Me [10:51 AM]:

someone else came by looking for him, I told them he's in the closet behind me

Me [10:51 AM]:

and the guy is like "what is that crazy man doing in there" and walks away 

Me [10:52 AM]: 

then he finally walks out again right as one of the previous guys is standing there and they tell him 'looks like you're finally out of the closet' LOL

Who builds the products?

Friend [12:44 PM]:

So I took over as the engineer for this area that is basically a problem area for the whole production

Friend [12:44 PM]:

the managers are always complaining about never getting their parts on time from these guys etc...

Friend [12:45 PM]:

so I just walked over to talk to the lead, and he wasn't there but of the 5 guys in the area...

Friend [12:45 PM]:

1 was playing solitaire, 1 was taking a nap with his feet on the desk, 1 was reading the newspaper, 1 was watching youtube videos and 1 was on the phone (may or may not be work related)

Me [12:45 PM]:

lol yes!

Me [12:45 PM]:

corporate!

Friend [12:46 PM]:

WHO BUILDS THE PRODUCTS?!?!?!!?

Who builds the products? #(2)

Friend [9:02 AM]:

wow, this lady in our area is on her phone like 4 hours a day I swear

Friend [9:02 AM]:

talking about random stuff

Friend [9:02 AM]:

not work related at all

Friend [9:03 AM]:

and she talks so loud

Friend [9:03 AM]:

and laughs

Friend [9:03 AM]:

sexual inuendos, you name it

Friend [9:20 AM]:

seriously, she's still on the phone...

Friend [9:20 AM]:

wow

Friend [9:34 AM]:

...still talking......

Friend [9:48 AM]:

she's finally off

Friend [9:48 AM]:

but seriously, it was like 30-40 minutes

Friend [9:48 AM]:

and this happens all the time

Friend [9:48 AM]:

ALL THE TIME

Friend [9:48 AM]:

WHO BUILDS THE PRODUCTS?

Who builds the products? #(3)

Me [9:39 AM]:

did you hear about the guys throwing knives

Me [9:40 AM]:

apparently they used their company points to buy some souvenir knives

Me [9:40 AM]:

and then started throwing them and making bets

Me [9:40 AM]:

and somehow someway a dude got a knife through his foot

Me [9:40 AM]:

lol

Friend [9:40 AM]:

wow, that's surprising

Friend [9:40 AM]:

people throwing knives around the factory floor

Friend [9:40 AM]:

and someone gets hurt?

Friend [9:40 AM]:

weird...

Friend [9:40 AM]:

haha, WOW DUDE!

Friend [9:41 AM]:

what were they thinking

Me [9:41 AM]:

WHO BUILDS THE PRODUCTS

Friend [9:41 AM]:

EXACTLY!

Hungry Engineer

Me [12:20 PM]:

so I heard a story at lunch about this big engineer

Me [12:20 PM]:

he used to eat any food he saw lying around

Me [12:20 PM]:

one day this guy had his lunch opened on his desk

Me [12:20 PM]:

and this big guy reaches right into his lunch bag

Me [12:20 PM]:

pulls out a bag of chips

Me [12:20 PM]:

opens them

Me [12:20 PM]:

and eats the whole thing

Me [12:20 PM]:

w/o asking

Me [12:20 PM]:

right in front of this guy

Friend [12:20 PM]:

DUDE!

Me [12:20 PM]:

he had no idea what to do or say lol

Friend [12:20 PM]:

wow

Me [12:20 PM]:

what would you even say

Friend [12:20 PM]:

seriously, I have no idea

Bathroom Farts

Me [9:17 AM]:

something amazing just happened in the bathroom haha

Me [9:17 AM]:

I'm laughing so hard out loud

Friend [9:18 AM]:

do tell

Me [9:18 AM]:

so this dude comes in all dressed up with his shoes that sound like high heels when he walks

Me [9:18 AM]:

and he rolls up in the stall next to me

Me [9:18 AM]:

at the urinal

Me [9:18 AM]:

and just starts ripping farts

Me [9:18 AM]:

loudly

Me [9:18 AM]:

out of control

Friend [9:18 AM]:

LOL

Me [9:18 AM]:

and I just start laughing

Friend [9:18 AM]:

YES!

Friend [9:18 AM]:

I love it!

Friend [9:19 AM]:

did you or he say anything?

Me [9:20 AM]:

no words were said

Me [9:20 AM]:

I was just laughing

Me [9:20 AM]:

and I'm still laughing

Me [9:20 AM]:

I had to tell my lead the story

Me [9:20 AM]:

because I was laughing so hard

Friend [9:20 AM]:

haha, wow 

The Tube Man

Friend [12:58 PM]:

wow, that was awkward...

Friend [12:58 PM]:

some dude came over with this long tube

Friend [12:58 PM]:

and starts sticking it between my back and the chair

Friend [12:58 PM]:

rolling it up and down my back

Me [12:58 PM]:

WTH

Friend [12:58 PM]:

making strange noises

Me [12:58 PM]:

dude this is a joke right lol

Friend [12:58 PM]:

I'm dead serious

Me [12:59 PM]:

some guy?

Me [12:59 PM]:

do you know him?

Friend [12:59 PM]:

haha, well he used to be in our group so I do know him

Friend [12:59 PM]:

but he moved a while ago

Friend [12:59 PM]:

so I didn't know who it was at first

The Cougher

Friend [12:56 PM]:

dude, we had the "cougher" in the bathroom

Friend [12:57 PM]:

[ ]  [x]  [ ]  [ ]  [x]  [ ]

Friend [12:57 PM]:

so there are 6 stalls and 2 people

Friend [12:57 PM]:

yet none are usable now

Friend [12:57 PM]:

but this guy, he sounds like he's constantly clearing his throat

Friend [12:57 PM]:

and forcibly coughing

Friend [12:57 PM]:

the whole time he's taking a crap

Friend [12:58 PM]:

it's really annoying

Friend [12:58 PM]:

b/c he coughs REALLY loud

Me [12:59 PM]:

haha YES

Me [12:59 PM]:

I love the layout you drew on there

Angry Voicemail

Me [12:59 PM]:

my lead is yelling at his voicemail to shut up

Me [12:59 PM]:

for like 5 minutes straight

Me [12:59 PM]:

and just swearing and yelling at it

Me [12:59 PM]:

"SHUT UP, JUST SHUT UP, WOULD YOU SHUT THE **** UP! WOW! SHUT UP! WOW YOU DON'T EVEN LEAVE A NUMBER! NO WONDER WE'RE GOING BROKE"

Friend [1:00 PM]:

LOL

Friend [1:00 PM]:

dude, that's amazing

  

A couple months

Me [11:29 AM]:

so a week ago I asked about the status of my educational re-imbursement and today I finally got a response

Me [11:29 AM]:

and here's what it says

Me [11:29 AM]:

Me,

Unfortunately I'm running a couple months behind, so it will be a little bit longer.  Sorry for the inconvenience, but the volume is very heavy this time of year and I'm doing the best I can to keep on top of it. Hopefully it won't be too much longer, but I appreciate your patience.

Me [11:29 AM]:

HOW DO YOU RUN A COUPLE MONTHS BEHIND?

Me [11:29 AM]:

WHO BUILDS THE PRODUCTS?

Friend [11:42 AM]:

dude, a couple months behind?

Me [11:43 AM]:

I know!

Me [11:43 AM]:

how do you fall a couple months behind

Me [11:43 AM]:

maybe a couple hours

Me [11:43 AM]:

or maybe a couple days at most

Me [11:43 AM]:

BUT MONTHS?

Friend [11:43 AM]:

yeah that's pretty intense

   

Typical Corporate

Friend [12:21 PM]:

dude, we shouldn't be surprised that something at Corporate is months behind

Friend [12:21 PM]:

look at the latest product

Me [12:21 PM]:

haha

Friend [12:21 PM]:

we're talking years

Me [12:21 PM]:

dude they have been working on that one for so many years now

Me [12:21 PM]:

my dad said he was working on it back in the 90's

Me [12:22 PM]:

trying to teach them how to produce it

Me [12:22 PM]:

and how to actually perform work

Friend [12:22 PM]:

wow

Friend [12:22 PM]:

haha yeah

Me [12:22 PM]:

apparently they are way overpaid because they have zero skills or knowledge and sit on their butts all day

Me [12:22 PM]:

pretty much how my dad described it

Me [12:22 PM]:

and he listed several examples

Me [12:22 PM]:

of meetings with 30+ people in them where nothing gets accomplished

Friend [12:22 PM]:

yeah that sounds about right

Me [12:23 PM]:

or that part in the bay

Me [12:23 PM]:

my dad said one day they asked him to come look at it to give an opinion about something

Me [12:23 PM]:

and he shows up and like 50 engineers are all standing around it just staring at it with their hands in their pockets

Me [12:23 PM]:

and he thought it was a tour or something

Me [12:23 PM]:

haha

Friend [12:23 PM]:

lol YES!

Friend [12:23 PM]:

I saw some people doing that last Friday

Friend [12:23 PM]:

it was amazing

Friend [12:23 PM]:

they had a table with 3 guys sitting taking notes, some guy with a huge video camera...

Friend [12:24 PM]:

everything was taped off and there were like 25 people just standing around

Friend [12:24 PM]:

doing nothing

Friend [12:24 PM]:

it was quite an operation

Friend [12:24 PM]:

they were probably looking at the same thing your dad was looking at 10 years ago

Friend [12:25 PM]:

they still haven't figured out how to fix it

Me [12:25 PM]:

haha yes!

Me [12:25 PM]:

why are they even looking at that prototype still?

Me [12:25 PM]:

the product is being built!

Friend [12:25 PM]:

haha I know!

Me [12:25 PM]:

there should be nothing left to study lol

Friend [12:25 PM]:

you would think so

Hiccupws!

Friend [9:14 AM]:

GOOD GOD ME!

Friend [9:14 AM]:

HICCUPWS!

Friend [9:14 AM]:

CRAP

Me [9:14 AM]:

HICCUPWS

Friend [9:14 AM]:

there's no W in hiccups!

Friend [9:14 AM]:

I hiccupped as I was typing that

Friend [9:14 AM]:

Lol

Staff meeting farts

Me [10:10 AM]:

so I IM'd my uncle who's a third level manager

Me [10:10 AM]:

and told him about my nasty fart

Me [10:11 AM]:

because my family is weird like that

Me [10:11 AM]:

and we always have farting competitions when we go camping

Me [10:11 AM]:

and he's like "thank you for sharing that with my entire staff at my staff meeting"

Friend [10:11 AM]:

YES!

Me [10:11 AM]:

rofl

Friend [10:11 AM]:

that's amazing!

Me [10:11 AM]:

dude that is no good

Coming out of the closet

Me [11:16 AM]:

dude my lead is in the closet again on the phone

Me [11:16 AM]:

haha

Me [11:47 AM]:

so this guy was waiting for my lead to get out of the closet

Me [11:47 AM]:

so he could talk to him

Me [11:47 AM]:

and my lead walks out and this guy is like "so I see you've finally come out of the closet, is that why your wife left you"

Me [11:47 AM]:

my lead looked so upset and disappointed

Napping in the conference room

Friend [12:09 PM]:

dude, so after some of the people in my group were heading to a meeting so I was walking with them

Friend [12:09 PM]:

they get to the conference room and they go in and turn the lights on

Friend [12:09 PM]:

and there is this super old guy sleeping in a chair against the wall

Me [12:09 PM]:

haha yes!

Me [12:09 PM]:

that's awesome

Friend [12:09 PM]:

even after they turned the light on he was sleeping

Me [12:09 PM]:

dude last summer a similar thing happened to me

Me [12:10 PM]:

my lead and I were scoping out a job in the bldg

Me [12:10 PM]:

and we had to nearly break into this dark office because no one was answering the door when we knocked

Me [12:10 PM]:

and when we get in there it's all dark and you can't see

Me [12:10 PM]:

found the lights and turned them on

Me [12:10 PM]:

and some guy is sleeping at his desk

Me [12:10 PM]:

like chair leaned back and feet up on desk

Me [12:11 PM]:

full blown snoring

Me [12:11 PM]:

so many epic stories lol

Me [12:11 PM]:

WHO BUILDS THE PRODUCTS?